One of the more entertaining fan favorites on an Ultimate Wrestling roster of very entertaining wrestlers has rejected the acclaim and affection he has accumulated since he began wrestling and decided to reject his role as a flamboyant entertainer in favor of heeldom and the dubious honor of being hated.I say, BAH. Humbug!
Don't I have enough people leaning across the ropes leering at me, telling me that my town sucks, my trailer still has wheels on it and that I am a worthless, no good, cheap, toothless redneck whose pickup truck needs washing and who ought to be ashamed of himself for supporting goody-two-shoes babyfaces who never break the rules? It's bad enough when genuinely frightening wrestlers like Death Row or Joe Gibson turn in my general direction and with not-so subtle body language suggest that my days on earth are numbered in single digits if I or anyone I root for messes with them. Those guys are intimidating - like Amtrak headed for a gasoline truck at a railroad crossing intimidating.
Chocolate Boy Wonder, or as I now must refer to him, "The Wrestler Formerly Known as Chocolate Boy Wonder," is not intimidating at all. It's like being snarled at and called names by The Energizer Bunny.
OK. I know. It is fashionable for a successful babyface wrestler to turn heel and rain on everybody's parade, letting fans in on just how stupid they were for having rooted for him in the first place. But DANG, son! Can't they at least do it with a little style? And can't the newly reinvented Marcus Gibbs at least have presented the idea with a little panache, instead of phoning in the change in a weak promo with no rhyme, reason or clarification?
When confronted with all this controversey, Mr. Gibbes resorted to typical heel tactics by attacking me personally.
"How many promos did you ever cut Bob?" Marcus demands to know.
Well, in truth, as a fan, I am not required to cut promos. What would I promote? I can see it now.
"I am here to tell ya right now, brotha, that I don't like your evil ways-ah, and you need to get your heart right-ah and-ah come back into the fold-ah so that you can be worshiped as a chocolate GOD-ah."
There I would be on YOUtube, five hundred pounds of glorious fatness screaming into the microphone and wiping perspiration from my red face.
Marcus continues by lecturing me, "as a fan your not suppose to like what I had to say, but for you to get on a soap box an bash me ( with all this Indy rasslin psycho-babble ) before you even got to see what type of "villain" ..." but did not complete the sentence. You see. He can't even TYPE a heel promo. The seeds of good are planted too deeply in him.
You know what you get when you place ME on a SOAPBOX? Smushed soapbox.
Marcus concludes, " I would be is just foolish and reckless thinking on your part. You can’t plant seeds and expect it to be a jungle over night can you ? Put a hot dog in your mouth and enjoy the show, watch how it develops … or you can go to a wrestling school, train, cut a better promo and take my job … simple as that."
As has been well established in the past, an Ultimate Hot Dog, properly decked out with mustard, and onions on a fresh warm bun is quite a treat, as is watching an Ultimate show and watching how it develops. As for "going to wrestling school, training, cutting a better promo and taking his job" is concerned, I should probably point out that there are eager youngsters in training at Ultimate right now, any one of whom is champing at the bit to "take his job" so there is no pressure on me do do so, and why should I? What would it prove? Nothing.
50 years as a wrestling fan has placed me in the audience of some of the most bad-ass wrestling promotions in the USA. I've seen Pat Patterson, Andre The Giant, SGT Slaughter, Roddy Piper, Greg Valentine, Junkyard Dog and George The Animal Steele, just to name a few and in the small arenas of New England in 1980's WWF, where shaking a hand (or not) was a one in 500 deal because the crowds were smaller then than WWE crowds are now.
So there's no need to tell me that I don't know for a promo. Bobby Doll, Joe Gibson, BTY, Jon Ryker, Chris Tighe, Cameron Frost, Jerry Reiner, Death Row, Minotaur, Robert Gibson, Doink The Clown (Mobile) - THOSE guys cut promos. What Chocolate Boy Wonder cut on Saturday, July 18th was the cheese.
